Too much crap

I’m gonna get back with you guys I swear lol… I’ve been super busy been dealing with too much cap lately but I’ll update you guys later
                       ,Emma Kidd❤

A prayer

Your prayers are prophecies. You can write your future of your family with your prayers.
If I pray for love, does that make me selfish?

Praying for those who love you, that’s sincerity.
Praying for those who hurt you, that’s maturity.

But love your enimies, Do good to them, do for them and not expect to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the most high, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.    ~ Luke 6:35

Dear Lord, I’m praying for love. I’m praying for people to see love, feel love and to share it. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for forgiving me. I have faith that you have special plans for me, and that whatever those plans may be they will be great. I pray to you because sometimes I feel lost and talking to you is the only thing that helps me find my way back. Thank you for showing me my worthiness and perusing me. I am in awe of you Lord. I submit my heart to you. May your Holy spirit transform me and make me like you in Jesus’ name… Amen!

Unimaginable…. Death

Death… What exactly is death? When we die, where do we go?
Do we go to a place where it’s nothing but a continuous empty space, or is it like a continous triangle track that we keep walking on hoping to find a destination or answers? I believe in god. I believe that when we die we are sent to purgatory and then to the golden gates of heaven where we are asked our finale question. Do you believe in God? I believe jesus forgives all for all of us for all of our sins. But I’m not going to go to deep into what I believe in.

I picked “death” as my topic because it is one of my worst fears. I also fear that if I do end up having breast cancer that no one will come and see me in the hospital because they won’t know what to say or how to react around me because they know that I’m dying and there is nothing they can do about it.

Death and dying to me is scary. Sometimes when I’m trying to sleep at night I’ll just start thinking about it and then I find myself crying because it scares me so much.

Ps. Never actually went to the doctors yet about my boob problem…

Love, Emma Kidd ❤

Gus❤

On August 11,2015 Gus called me.
I told him both pregnancy tests was negative. We talked about different things… like what we have been up to and how we’ve been. He said he would’ve came through to help me if I actually was pregnant. Which I thought was good, and hearing that made me smile.

I told him thay I had something to tell him but I know he wouldn’t want to hear it. So I said I forgot what I was going to say. He said, “no you didn’t liar.” So I said “Gus I miss you so much and I’m not gonna lie you’re the only person that I could actually say I love you to and it actually mean something.” He said

,

”

Emma.. I miss you alot.. I really do. And I thought about texting you the other day I just didn’t know what to say… and I do have a question for you.” I said, “okay.”
We kinds moved away from that and talked about other stuff and he said for me to snap chat him… so I did

.
He said, “will you go back out with me” and in the picture he was laying on the floor with his arm out and his head on his arm.

It’s been two days and I’ve heard from him once but I had to text him first… no good morning\good night texts or I love you’s…. nothing.

Wish me luck

Going to doctors this week.
I have a bump on my left breast that is bleeding and they wanna check it out. Everyone pray it’s not cancer…
             Love, Emma Kidd ❤

Don’t Bother To Wonder

I love Gus so much. Not being around him breaks my heart. He said he needs more time to think because he doesn’t want to break my heart again. I understand i just don’t want him to think too long and then there is no chance of us getting back together.

Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. Its about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing that they were right there by your side.

Truth is i miss him like crazy. All the time, every second, every minute, every hour, every day. I started missing him as soon as we said good bye. All this is is a big heart break. People say, Oh you’ll get over him but to be honest i don’t know. I’ve been asked out by like three guys and turned them all down because he is the only one that i want. I think my heart would totally break if i saw him with someone else so i don’t want put him through that. I still have feelings for Gus. No matter how many times i tell myself that im better off without him, a part of me just wont let go. Thinking about him brings a smile to my face but then i realize that he is no longer mine and that brings tears to my eyes. My mom tells me every day to not reserve space in my heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to be in it. I know shes right but its hard. I never really knew the true meaning of love, or heart break, or even emptiness. Now i know the true feeling of all of those. Not gonna lie i don’t know why i would’ve wanted to know what it feels like because it hurts so bad. For all of my young readers who hasn’t experienced any of those feelings… don’t even bother to wonder how it feels because i wouldn’t lie about this… it sucks.

I had some of the longest and hardest sex last night with Gus.
We wasn’t thay drunk to forget because he was able to drive perfectly fine. He wasn’t really acting drunk either.

I was trying to get him back. We were both crying last night and he said he misses me and wants me back really bad but he doesn’t want to break my heart again. He said he needed more time to think. So being emotional that I am.. (crying right now too..)i started crying. He just moved my hair and hands from my face and started kissing me and telling me that it was okay and not to cry. He kept telling me that everything was going to be okay because he wasn’t going anywhere and that he was always going to be by my side.
After all of that and the crying and the sex he said that he was going to text me as soon as he woke up in the morning. Today came and he forgot all of what we talked about, did, and told each other… it was like he broke up with me all over again. That feeling… I cant stand it. It kills me thinking about him because I actually care I do. I love him so much sometimes it hurts.

Hopefully we can work things out.
                 Love,Emma Kidd ♡

First Love

They say your first love is the hardest to get over. I never used to believe that, but now I do. Gus was my truly first love. It’s been almost a month and a half and I’m still having a hard time not talkin to him.

I just want to hear his voice and feel his touch. If I could just see his smile in person… God I miss him so much.

Every night I go on his face book and watch a video of him just so I can hear his voice. Don’t take that in a stalker way lol…

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would do literally anything to be with them again?

For me it’s so hard I’ve cried literally every night. About two weeks ago I even started dating someone else because I thought that it would make it easier to get over him. Nope. All it did was make me hurt even more. I got drunk and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes each night for two weeks. I’m over that now. I quit smoking. I haven’t smoked not one cigarette for a whole week now and I don’t see any point in drinking my feelings away…

                I want him back…
            Love, Emma Kidd ❤

Miscellaneous

I’ve been thinking alot about Journaling lately. I know it’s important to write things down because one day we may not remember them anymore. I try, I really do. It’s just there’s really not that much that’s important enough to tell you guys about or for me to want to remember…

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This previous Saturday I smoked more weed than I ever have before… I was tripping so hard that night that I was going on a long never ending journey.
I remember sitting on a bar stool trying to concentrate on my ex talking to me but it was like my eyes and hearing kept zoning off of him and into the quietness of my thoughts. Normally when I’m high I laugh alot but not this time… At one point I was staring in his eyes and thinking about all of the colors in his iris.. it was so beautiful. My concentration was definitely there! I noticed every little thing in that room. Colors were more bright and sounds were different… even taste 🙂 when I smoked a cigarette it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was AMAZING!!

Note: This wasn’t my first time high.
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Also I don’t know if I told you guys but Gus and I broke up. It was right before our 1 month and it was the afternoon right after we had sex…
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I FINALLY GOT A VAPE!!
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Like I said guys there’s not much for me to say… Until next time I guess
I love you guys bunches!!
                             Love, Emma Kidd ❤

Unfortunately

Hey Emma Kidd here…

Unfortunately i have had writers block. I think its because of everything going on lately in my life, so i have been having trouble writing to you guys. Even writing this post to you guys is kinda hard. With everything going on i cant think right. I am terribly sorry guys… Hopefully i can get my mind back on track.

I have been trying to write a post about reality. Its gonna be about how we deal with life when reality hits us hard. I might add ways to deal with different kinds of problems in reality. If you guys have any ideas on what i should add to the post about reality i will leave my email below and just send me an email.

Thanks again, Emma Kidd ❤

My Email is emmaktroubled@gmail.com

Please email me any ideas you have for my reality entry.

Feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to talk to one on one.